I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
