The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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