Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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