dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
