and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
