I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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