if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
