Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
