So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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