A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
