Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
