It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
