Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
