i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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