OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
