Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
In America we eat man semen.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
