Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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