I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
