we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
