and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
