These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
