Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
