what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
