The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
