if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
