Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
