so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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