be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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