Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
