Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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