I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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