Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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