you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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