By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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