were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
