i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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