He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
