You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
