Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
