Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Drunk is a universal language darling
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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