Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he puts the penis in happiness.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
