I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
