When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
