he wants to bone in the snuggie
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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