Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
