I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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