I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
