Only a mothe r could love this liver
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
