I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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