Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
