It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
