I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
