So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
