im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
