I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
