apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
