Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
