Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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