I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
