I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
