I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
