question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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