ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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