You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You smell like stripper and shame
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
