The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't deserve a penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
