Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
